The Oak Tree
Patria Castle
Potawatomi Camp
New Ilion
St. Brendan's Monastery
The Wyvern Weald
Great Village
The Kingdom of Patria

The History of Patria

I know, I know. It isn't what your history teacher taught you. Mrs. Ffrimpington—we won't embarrass her by using her real name—told you that, "Columbus sailed the ocean blue in fourteen hundred and ninety-two," and that for a long time he was thought to be the very first person east of Hoboken to set foot in the New World.

Then she told you all about Leif Erickson, the Viking adventurer, who, it is said, actually discovered the New World five hundred years before Columbus, landing on the coast of Canada in what he called, rather thirstily, "Wine-land."

Gads. Mrs. Ffrimpington probably even made you memorize these "facts" and write them down on a test!

But we shouldn't be too hard on poor Mrs. Ff. In this matter, she is wholly blameless. For it is a closely-guarded secret that long before Columbus danced on the white sands of the Bahamas, or Leif Erickson sampled the grapes of Wine-land, the peoples of a tiny kingdom, nestled in the woods of what we call Indiana, had already logged thousands of years in the land that to this day they know as Patria.


Who are these Patrians? Where did they come from?

It all started with a war, a wooden horse, and a sea captain who would have been very good at navigating by the sun—if only the sun would have remained still.

By war I mean the Trojan War. You remember—ancient Greeks and Trojans fighting outside the walls of Troy (or Ilion) for over ten years. Well, you might also remember that the whole business came to a head when a crafty Greek named Ulysses thought up a black nasty of an idea.

The Greeks, as Ulysses planned it, pretended to sail back to Greece. But they left, apparently as a gift to the goddess Athena, an enormous wooden horse. And inside the hollow belly of this horse, a band of Greek warriors lay waiting—no doubt cursing their luck for having drawn the short straws!

The Trojans stupidly rolled the wooden horse into the city. And that night while they were sleeping, the Greek warriors inside the horse snuck out and led the attack that brought Troy to its knees and ended the war.

Some of the Trojans escaped with one of their leaders, Aeneas, and sailed away to eventually found the city of Rome.

Some other Trojans decided to follow after Aeneas. They had no other materials with which to build a boat, so they used the wooden horse, cutting off the legs and slicing the entire thing across the middle. It made for a fantastic hull. And the head of the horse itself made a spiffing masthead.

This second band of Trojans, however, was not so fortunate in their leader. The only sailor amongst them was Clodnus, whose experience at sea consisted of three days as a cook on a Trojan fishing boat (before he was fired for burning the hamburger hot-dish). As they put out to sea in the Trojan Tub, Clodnus tried to remember how the captain of that fishing boat had navigated by the sun. But it was dog difficult. By day Clodnus would look up and find the sun moving all over the place, and then at night it would completely disappear, leaving him with nothing to steer by. Most confusing!

Clodnus and his friends never did catch up with Aeneas. Indeed, they sailed right past Italy, out into the Atlantic, and eventually to the New World where they made their way to present-day Indiana and founded the Kingdom of Patria.

Good thing they packed extra sandwiches!

To learn more about the Kingdom of Patria, click the flag markers on the above map. And for even more about Patria, don't miss the soul-stirring tale, Stout Hearts & Whizzing Biscuits. Just make sure Mrs. Ffrimpington doesn't see you reading it!